Yes, I have been on a hiatus. I think I’ve just been a bit too contemplative of late, to the point that the motivation to blog escaped me.
But a walk in the park nearby spurred me to start again, or at least reminded me of a happier time in my life that I wanted to reflect on. Don’t get me wrong – I wouldn’t say I’m not happy now. But I think I’m the type of person whose happiness comes from looking at things ahead of me rather than living in the moment.
With that in mind, I want to stop to see the blossoms.
I never experienced blossoming trees very much as I was growing up, or at least not the ones that we have here in Australia. It’s not to say that I didn’t see lots of flowers – we had ixora bushes near our apartment and white tiger lillies decorated the sidewalk. I used to climb a frangipani tree near the library I went to and bougainvillea trees were a common sight.
But there’s something about the blossoms at the reserve near my house that make me smile. When I first saw them, I kept calling them sakura because I thought they were cherry blossoms (and then Daniel kindly informed me that not all blossoms are cherry blossoms, lol!). I only really noticed them last year when I was on maternity leave and went for daily walks with Skittles.
The same time last year, the blossoms looked very similar but I looked quite different! 🙂 And as I was out walking today, I was reminded of the spring of last year where I felt all the hope and joy in the world. Every walk I took in that beautiful reserve reminded me of the miracle of creation and the joy of a new human being who I was longing to meet.
My walk today was a pleasant one, but it made me wonder why things had changed.
Firstly, the reason why I actually went on the walk was not to enjoy the sunny weather, but was really to get a stubborn little boy to sleep. I got him into his pram, fumbled with the straps as he writhed, and got Skittles on her lead – and we were off!
Walking the dog with the pram is a bit of a challenge at times, but it is easier than putting Jacob in the carrier because he’s a bit too heavy for me now. A lot of the walk is focused on getting Skittles to walk beside the pram and not to dart in random directions. I told Daniel that he could get a good Physics question out of our ordeal – namely vectors.
But anyway, so we were walking along, doing the same thing we normally do when we go for walks, and then I saw it. A tree full of blossoms. I stopped for a moment (more because Skittles stopped) and I remembered that I once used to appreciate things a lot more than I do now.
Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep. Daniel blames it on the coffee, which I admit that I’ve been turning to relatively often. But after barely 5 hours of sleep some nights, I justified that coffee was a lesser evil compared to not being able to function every morning. But perhaps it’s the fact that once again, I’ve started setting goals for myself and for Jacob that aren’t coming to pass, and I’m getting frustrated about things that I’m not able to do despite knowing that I don’t actually have to do them.
How does that make sense? I suppose to put it simply, I have been the cause of my own unhappiness. Rather than live in the joy of the moment, I’ve chosen to live aiming to be someone I’m not. And frankly, that is a silly way to live because it just leads to disappointment after disappointment.
This week, I’m going to dwell on the beautiful things in my life. I’m going to come out of my dark corner and bask in the sunlight. And I’m going to bring the people I love with me, too. 🙂
So, remember to stop to see the blossoms. ❤